Getting your house ready for Santa: FAQs
Santa Claus is the legendary gift-giver who breaks into your house once a year and leaves presents under your Christmas tree. It is a truly magical tradition.
But having guests over can be stressful at the best of times, and when the visitor in question is an immortal, omnipotent being who knows all of your secrets, you’ll be especially keen to impress.
Luckily we know a thing or two about Santa so we’ve put together a few FAQs to help you through the ordeal.
Do I really need to be good ALL year?
Yes. Santa won’t turn up at all if you haven’t been consistently good from the time you woke up on December 25th, 2015 through to midnight, December 24th 2016. You should be nice at all costs (even to people you don’t really like) and refrain from being naughty (even if it’s fun).
Making fraudulent insurance claims is something that really gets on Santa’s nerves, so don’t do that.
Can Santa get me anything I want?
Within reason. When writing your list, keep it short and to the point. Santa is a busy man and hasn’t got time to be reading your life story. Also it’s important to remember that the global recession hit everyone, even Santa, so be realistic with your requests. Instead of asking for something crazy like four iPhones, consider being more reasonable.
Try asking for three instead.
Should I clean my chimney?
Many people clean their chimney in the run up to Christmas because they don’t want Santa dragging soot all over the house when he comes out through the fireplace. But experts say this is unnecessary. On the advice of his doctor, Santa doesn’t tend to enter via chimneys anymore.
So how does he get in? Magic?
Kind of. Santa has been breaking into millions of homes every year for centuries and is an expert lock-picker.
Will Santa judge my interior design?
100% yes. Santa is a connoisseur of interior design and has been known to save the best presents for homes that match his favoured aesthetic. As he is Scandinavian, it’s best opt for minimalist, straight line designs. You should also rip up all of your carpets and replace them with glossy tiled flooring. It may seem extreme but do you want that new laptop or not?
Should I leave him something to eat?
Yes. Flying all over the world and forcing your way into millions of strangers’ homes in one night is hungry work. Santa (clearly) loves cookies but the sugar in cookies is fattening and provides only a brief energy boost. A healthier option would be a couple of bananas or some nuts.*
It used to be traditional to leave beer out but thankfully our attitudes towards drink-driving have changed drastically over the years. A glass of low-fat milk will suffice.
*DISCLAIMER: Santa hates fruit and is very sensitive about his weight. If you leave healthy food out instead of cookies he may take offense and give your presents to someone else.
What about the reindeer?
Reindeer may like carrots but that’s not something they generally eat. In the wild, a reindeer’s diet consists of leaves, sedges and grasses, lemmings, bird eggs, moss, lichens and Arctic char, so put that on a plate instead.
Follow our advice and Santa’s visit will go off without a hitch!
Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year,
The Team at GMIB.ie
